Tip of My Iceberg

Photos courtesy of Jeffrey F. Lin on Unsplash

As a fan of the beautiful game, with all six of my kids having played soccer and many of my grands having played it, I have strong opinions about how a particular match is progressing.

Two of my grands, playing at different universities, aren’t getting the playing time they deserve.

My opinion.

I observed the coaches not playing the players they have strategically, and it was maddening. When I’m watching these games with my husband, I spend most of the game complaining about the coach, how he’s missing an opportunity by not playing the people I see as more qualified.

John calmly told me I needed to forgive the coach, not because he was right, but because I was letting his attitude destroy my enjoyment of the game. I’ve never met these coaches; I probably never will. But I was letting my disappointment control how I responded.

Forgiveness comes from a Greek word meaning “to let go” or “to release.” It’s releasing someone from a perceived debt because of the hurt they’ve caused.

I struggled with this for a long time. I had a rather difficult relationship with my mother growing up, and as an adult, there were things I blamed her for. She once heard me apologizing to my daughter for blaming her for something she didn’t do. She pulled me aside and informed me that you never apologize to a child. They should never know you’re wrong.

Can you understand my issues?

Blaming my mother for my bad choices or poor responses didn’t help my attitude. I needed to take responsibility for my decisions.

And I needed to forgive my mother.

I could release my mother from her hurtful ways without condoning what she did. I don’t have to minimize the damage done to me by forgiving. Mark Twain said it best: “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” There’s a beauty in offering forgiveness to others, even if they don’t realize they did wrong. I won’t ignore or suppress what was done when I was a child, but I won’t allow the pain to define me.

Peter questioned Jesus one time about how often he should forgive someone who had hurt him. He thought possibly seven times was enough; in his mind, that might have seemed excessive. “‘No, not seven times,’ Jesus replied, ‘but seventy times seven!’” Matthew 18:22

Jesus wasn’t saying he should forgive someone 490 times; He spoke of unlimited forgiveness. Whenever someone hurts us and asks forgiveness, we must forgive. “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32. Forgiveness is the gift Jesus gave us when He gave His life for ours on the cross.

Why is forgiveness so necessary? Because guilt and unforgiveness destroy us. Dr. Karl Menninger, a renowned psychiatrist, once said, “If I could convince the patients in psychiatric hospitals that their sins were forgiven, 75% of them could walk out the next day.”

We all need freedom from guilt. Ethicist and theologian Lewis B. Smedes once said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” We only hurt ourselves when we refuse to forgive others.

John saw that I was only hurting myself with my bad attitude toward soccer coaches. This is minor and petty, but my unforgiving attitude was bothering me, and that was my choice.

Forgiveness is a gift Jesus offers us, without any strings attached. He knows how destructive guilt and shame are. Forgiveness is freeing.

Even in soccer.