Tip of My Iceberg

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Not What I Asked For

Photo courtesy of Suna Valid on Unsplash

I hate being sick.

After a crazy summer of travel and family, of being with people at every turn, the germs finally caught up with me. I’m a prisoner to the sniffles and snot.

I can blame it on the littles, because they are a petri dish for germs. I can blame it on lack of sleep, because when I have the chance to be with people, I often eschew sleep. I can blame it on not consistently eating healthy meals; my morning peanut butter sandwich is probably not the best way to start the day.

Does it matter? Germs caught up with me, and now my head is a storeroom for phlegm. And every time I try to empty it, it fills right back up.

We all get sick at times; it’s part of being human. Our immune systems only go so far.

Slowing down, however, isn’t easy for me. I’ve been a high-energy person my whole life–much to the chagrin of my parents. I often get too little sleep, and I definitely have a boundaries issue. Saying no to someone who may need me is inconceivable.

So here I am, in bed, resenting the opportunity to rest, even though I need it. Resenting the chance to let my body catch up with my mind, which seems to be going non-stop. Resenting the need to tell people “no”.

My dear husband reminded me that I’m not irreplaceable. My body has reminded me that it’s not invincible.

Even in college, I took the three-to-seven morning shift at the dorm information desk, an hour when what was required of you was to make sure nobody broke in and let in those who happened to be out late. I’d do my shift, then head to classes for the day, which usually began at 8 a.m. I could earn money and still have time to do what I wanted to do. I didn’t think about personal finitude.

Fast forward several decades, and I’m being faced with my own limitations. Not happily, mind you. I want so much to push back against my own restraints, my personal constraints. I don’t want to be reminded of what I can’t do, where I can’t go, what I can’t accomplish.

God is well aware of my humanity and my limitations. He doesn’t expect me to do it all; that’s the unreasonable demand I put on myself. The Lord is gracious with His help and His strength for me. He chooses to step into my mess to help me when I need it.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with me, and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me–watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me, and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30.

God knows I’m tired before I do. He wants to give me rest when I’m so quick to refuse it. He continually reminds me that I’m not in a relationship with Him so I can work for Him. I’m with Him because He chooses to love me. No matter what my limitations and mistakes.

I didn’t ask for rest, but I know I need it. I had an agenda; God’s is better. He loves me enough to know what I need.

Not what I asked for, but He’s giving me what I require.

daylerogers

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7 responses to “Not What I Asked For”

  1. Steve Avatar
    Steve

    Dayle, I think this is one of those lessons we all know deep down but don’t always want to hear: sometimes the rest we need is not the rest we would have chosen!

    I had to laugh at the morning peanut butter sandwich confession, though. Sarah absolutely loves peanut butter sandwiches, so I’m definitely not going to tell her that they aren’t a proper breakfast! 😂

    But seriously, I really appreciated the honesty in this post. That feeling of wanting to keep pushing, keep doing, keep helping and keep going, even when your body is basically putting its foot down, is something I think many of us can relate to. I particularly loved the reminder that God doesn’t love us because of what we accomplish for Him. We don’t have to earn His love by being constantly busy.

    Matthew 11:28-30 is such a beautiful reminder that Jesus doesn’t just offer us more strength to keep running ourselves into the ground. He actually invites us to stop, come to Him and learn His “unforced rhythms of grace.”

    Sometimes “not what I asked for” really is exactly what we need. Praying you’re soon feeling much better, Dayle. Get some rest, even if your high-energy self objects to the idea! 🙏😀

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    1. daylerogers Avatar
      daylerogers

      Thanks, Steve. The older I get, the more I feel like I should acknowledge my limits and not fight them. God isn’t pushing me; I’m pushing myself. But He gets me, even in my frantic moves to keep going. I’m feeling better, little by little. And please don’t tell Sarah about the peanut butter sandwiches–I still eat them every morning.

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      1. Steve Avatar
        Steve

        Dayle, I think we may be complete opposites when it comes to this! 😂 You describe yourself as having to slow down because you’re naturally high-energy and always on the go, whereas I’m pretty much the opposite. I’m a very quiet, sit-down kind of person. Honestly, I’d quite happily sit all day if you let me! 😂

        I actually have to practically drill-sergeant myself into getting up and moving. It’s quite funny when you consider how much I write about walking, fitness and getting out on the trail. You’d probably think I was some naturally energetic fitness fanatic, when in reality I’m much safer just sat in my chair! 😂

        That’s why getting myself out onto the trail is such a deliberate decision for me. I have to tell myself, “Right Steve, get up, get your shoes on and GO!” Once I’m out there, I absolutely love it, but getting from sitting comfortably to actually moving is the hard bit. And then, of course, I come home and write about how wonderful walking is! Lol.

        And as for Sarah and the peanut butter… I’m afraid the secret is already out! 😂 Sarah would probably put peanut butter in just about anything if you gave her half a chance, so I suspect your morning sandwich is perfectly safe with her. Although now you’ve told me you still eat one every morning, I’m definitely going to have to keep quiet! 😂

        Seriously though, I’m really glad you’re feeling better little by little. I loved what you said about God not pushing you, but you pushing yourself. That’s such an important distinction. Sometimes He knows exactly when we need to stop, even when we’re convinced we need to keep going.

        Get well soon, dear friend, and allow yourself that rest. And don’t worry, I won’t tell Sarah about the peanut butter sandwiches… probably! Although I have a feeling she’ll be pestering you to let her have one for breakfast too, lol. She reads your posts by email as well, so I’m not sure how much longer your peanut butter secret is going to remain a secret! 😲😂🙏😀

        Liked by 1 person

  2. terry morgan Avatar
    terry morgan

    Hope you feel better soon, friend! 💛

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. daylerogers Avatar
      daylerogers

      Thanks, dear friend. Getting there, slowly but surely. This is not one of the eternal things!

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  3. daylerogers Avatar
    daylerogers

    Tell Sarah we can do peanut butter all day!

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  4. Willie Torres Jr. Avatar
    Willie Torres Jr.

    Sorry to hear you aren’t feeling well my Dear Friend and Sister in Christ… I Hope and Pray you feel better….

    Sometimes God gives us what we need, not what we ask for. Rest can be hard to accept, especially when we are used to doing everything ourselves.

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