Tip of My Iceberg

Feelings wheels.

There are a variety of them, created by different groups, each with a different focus. The primary purpose of these is to help people identify the emotions they are experiencing. The one above was created by a friend of mine for a specific learning course.

I always thought these were unnecessary. I’ve been an emotive person my whole life; I was surprised by those who couldn’t recognize what was stirring in their hearts.

Then I got married. My husband, who is a wonderfully gracious man, can’t always tell me what’s going on in his heart. He and a friend of his could look at a pageful of faces that reflected different emotions. The expressions often helped them put words to what their feelings were.

I’ve realized I don’t always understand what’s going on in me. Often, it’s easy to name many things “anger” because it’s an easy emotion to identify. Or frustration, disappointment, anxiety–those all feel real to me, and easier to control.

I was recently in a meeting where the speaker commented that 90% of growth comes through processing grief.

I’ve been thinking about that for several days. Grief feels completely random and out of control. An emotion that comes upon me without warning, making me hurt in ways I don’t want to acknowledge. It’s what I struggled with when I lost my parents, my dearly loved brother-in-law, and a great friend. Pain overwhelmed me, and all I wanted to do was push it to the side and ignore it.

Culturally, we’re good at ignoring grief. When someone has lost a loved one, we attend memorials, bring casseroles, vocalize our sadness at their loss, and leave. We rarely let another’s loss slow us down.

Our own losses? We can fill our lives with activities and people, not giving us time to process grief in a healthy way.

When Jesus’ good friend Lazarus died, He came to pay His respects to Lazarus’ two sisters, Mary and Martha. He knew He was going to raise him from the dead, but Jesus’ heart of compassion embraced all those who were mourning the death of this well-loved man. He was troubled because of their loss, but also because they still didn’t understand Him to be the Messiah. “Jesus wept.” John 11:35.

Our emotions are a gift from the Lord, something He’s invested in us so we can experience the full spectrum of feelings. We can’t know true joy without going through sadness and loss. Gratitude can’t be experienced if there’s never any need. Solomon said it well, for he explained that there is a season for everything, a time for every delight, purpose, and event under heaven:

“A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to throw away stones and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. A time to search and a time to give up as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away.” Ecclesiastes 3:4-6.

We will never go through life giddy with joy and happiness all the time. Hard events happen, and there’s a time to acknowledge pain and confront it. We grow in the struggles; we mature in the challenges.

There are things in my life I’ve neglected to grieve, but addressing those sore spots will give me a chance to allow God to heal my pain and grow me in ways I haven’t begun to understand.

Emotions are a gift. How are you stewarding your feelings?