Tip of My Iceberg

photo courtesy of Felix Koutchinski on Unsplash

Have you ever had someone in your life who seemed to enjoy holding a grudge? Where any wrong done to them was a reminder of your humanity and frailty?

My mom couldn’t let go of the wrongs done to her. Her memory of pain imparted by others was greater than any elephant–not only did she not forget, but forgiveness was something she parsed out sparingly. Some of that had to do with being the baby of the family–her older siblings thought she got preferential treatment. Whatever the reason, she rarely forgot a wrong done her.

One challenging instance was her anger at her sister, my aunt. A situation happened years earlier before the four of us kids were born. It began as a low-level irritation, but it grew as time passed to negative comments about her sister randomly expressed. When my aunt moved quite far away, Mom never spoke to her again.

The sad part of this was Mom was mad at her sister until she died. Her sister had passed over ten years earlier. Mom’s lack of forgiveness hurt only herself.

This came to mind because I recently had a friend remind me of what I’d done that hurt her. I thought I’d asked forgiveness of her and that the matter was dealt with. It hurt to think she wouldn’t let it go.

Fred Rogers, known for his children’s program that spoke much about love and forgiveness, wrote in his book, “Wisdom From the World According to Mr. Rogers, “Forgiveness is a strange thing. It can sometimes be easier to forgive our enemies than our friends. It can be hardest of all to forgive people we love.” I think that’s where Mom struggled. That was my struggle with my friend.

photo courtesy of Alex Schute on Unsplash

Forgiveness isn’t a pretty picture where all the right elements have fallen into place; it’s a choice to let go of the hurt someone has done you. Holding on to such hurt only weakens us and destroys our hope. Author Lewis B. Smedes said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” A lack of forgiveness holds us captive to our own anger.

Following a horrific flogging that left Jesus’ body with deep lacerations and skin hanging in ribbons from His back, His bloody body was nailed to a cross with three large nails through His wrists and His feet. Even in the midst of the agony, the first words He spoke on the cross were, “Father, forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34. Forgiveness is why Jesus came to earth; it’s why He chose to die in our place so that we could be freed from the penalty of all the hurtful things we’ve done. His forgiveness wasn’t based on His circumstances. He forgave out of. deep love for us. To love is to forgive. There can be no love without forgiveness.

Mr. Rogers had it right; the hardest people to forgive are the ones you love because their hurt cuts deepest. However, we do ourselves a disservice if we don’t pursue reconciliation. Forgiveness is a gift none of us deserves, but it’s been lavishly offered by Jesus.

Sometimes you just have to let go and receive.