When It’s Not About Me


photo courtesy of Matthew Henry on Unsplash

I disappointed a friend recently.

It wasn’t something I wanted to do. I wasn’t trying to hurt, annoy, or upset anyone.

It happened.

I tend to move through life with a “go-with-the-flow” attitude. I’m not mired in what is; I’m open to change. In this time of necessary pivoting, I maneuver fairly well.

Not everyone has the same perspective.

My friend depended on me to be part of leading a group, and we’d agreed to do it at my home. I’d done the preparation–food, drinks, all the necessary things to have when people gather. I was looking forward to being with everyone.

A glitch happened. Unanticipated. I was reminded that my oldest grand was possibly playing his final soccer game of his high school career. He’s become an incredible player, a calming and solid force on the field, and I wanted to be present for this rite of passage.

It meant leaving the meeting and the house to those who were coming.

I thought it would work out. 

The game was amazing. Our team won, and my grandson was a stellar part of that win. His younger brother played an outstanding game as a goalkeeper. I was grateful to be part of it, to be able to hug them both and affirm them in how well they played.

When I returned home, our group was still there, and we had the chance to spend some time interacting.

I felt I’d gotten the best of both worlds.

After everyone left, my co-leader and I had a chance to talk.

I’m not good with confrontational conversations, but he was kind and gracious. He let me know it was hard for him to change mid-course without a lot of awareness of what I had decided. What had been easy for me to flex with hadn’t been the same for him.

Communication is a big deal in life. We all get overwhelmed with managing our images, wanting people to see or believe the best about us. It’s easy to overlook being honest and authentic with those we interact with. We move forward with what we think is right and best without considering the situations and feelings of others. 

In today’s world, we’re encouraged to strive for what we want, reach for what we believe we need, do whatever it takes to make things go our way.

That’s not what we were made for.

God created us for the wonder of community. To care about each other, help one another, be there when others have needs, and provide what we’ve been given. All we have is from God, our Gracious Giver. And our challenge is to give to others generously and selflessly to help them in need.

God will provide all our needs according to His riches in glory in Jesus. He is our Enough.

If I had paused to consider how my choices and actions could affect others, I might have followed a different path. Not just making it about what I wanted to do but consider who else would be affected by my decision.

Can you imagine a world where we actually think about others before we choose to do what we want?

Compassion and caring never felt so good.


5 responses to “When It’s Not About Me”

  1. I so appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to share your joys and even your “awkward” conversations with us. You are real and your honesty is refreshing. You encourage me to practice the same. So appreciate you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, dear friend, we are two peas in a pod–pod mates. You have the same tendency to be authentic, which is one of the many reasons I love you. This just happened, and it really devastated me that I didn’t think it through. One day, Ter, I may actually think before I act. I appreciate you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. What I love most about this post Dayle, is how open are to your friend’s perspective. And how much your relationships and connections continue to grow because of this. (with me too!) Flowing like water.. Every connection is a new ocean. And how wide open you are to all of it! Have a wonderful day Dayle. And thank you again for the generosity you continue to share on my psychology blog. It means the world to me. Andrea 😊


    1. Well, Andrea, I value and admire your perspective. We do tend to have the same value for people and for listening. I appreciate your way of saying what seems to be in my heart and doesn’t always come out as clearly and honestly as you say it. Every connection a new ocean–exactly! Thanks, my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My pleasure! So grateful for our interactions today.


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