Tip of My Iceberg

Life changes more rapidly than I do.

I can still learn new tricks.

It wasn’t all that long ago that upon entering my home after a morning walk, I’d be met with silence. John isn’t a morning person–he has fewer words than I do and he chooses not to use them up first thing in the morning. It takes him a bit to work into conversation.

Now I return to dogs barking, screens at different volumes doing different things with different kids, Cal singing “The Greatest Showman” on John’s lap, and people and clutter everywhere.

Some would call it chaotic.

I call it home.

It hasn’t been easy to segue into the rhythm of lots of family members around. My world looks a little topsy turvy right now with our new normal.

What helped was walking into our family room one day and seeing Cal upside down. Singing his songs bottom-up, staring at the video from a fresh perspective.

He may be a greater genius than I’ve given him credit for.

I can’t operate in life as I had before. I can’t squish my formerly square peg of a life into the round hole it’s become. I can adapt, tweak, adjust my expectations, and alter the way I look at what I need to do, but I can’t proceed forward as if nothing has happened during this time of quarantine.

What really matters? Is it my routine and perceived control over what I’ve done in the past? Or is it living open-handed and adjusting to what needs to be done with a new heart attitude?

Am I striving to maintain what was or willing to change with what is?

Our pastor this past weekend spoke of how easy it is to live with an outside-in approach to life. Trying to order my outside world to deal with my inner tensions and disruptions.

That never works. I’ve little control over what’s happening in my world.

The inside-out approach challenges me to adjust my heart attitude, to choose not to bear my problems alone but to share them with God, who already knows exactly what they are. He encourages me to allow Him to bear them with me. Bringing peace to my heart even in the midst of perceived chaos.

I’m not saying it’s easy. My bent is to try to fix my outer world to make it work. Not change me. There’s such arrogance in that attitude that I don’t typically acknowledge; I act as if my answers are the best.

When we all think that way, believing our methods are what’s good for everyone else, we experience communal chaos, everyone wanting to make their way work. We end up fighting one another.

That doesn’t help either.

But God.

He knows our frustration with life when it doesn’t work. He understands our discomfort with chaos–we were created for peace and order in Him. He gets our mess better than we do.

Changing my heart attitude toward Him gives me a fresh perspective on how to live life with hope. Not despair.

Kind of like Cal with his upside-down view.

Choose how to look at life differently.