I’m in over my head.
Not a surprise. Neither is it a new experience. I tend to fall into this mode several times a year during seasons of serious busyness where I struggle with urgent responsibilities; those things I think only I can do.
My job is people, but faces populate my life. It’s a reality that I embrace wholeheartedly; no regrets. My large family combined with all those I care for makes for a life crawling with folks I want to maintain a connection with.
The desire for a few more hours in each day rears its head every now and again. Which isn’t practical because I’d need that much more sleep. More days in a week would require at least one more day for the weekend to renew and refresh. More days in the year would mess up planting, harvesting, paying employees in general.
Not a great idea.
The issue is me. I struggle with saying no, especially if it’s to family, friends, neighbors in need. Or anyone who gives me good cause why I should be the one to help them out.
My Dad used to say it wasn’t judgment I lacked; where I fell short was self-awareness. How much I could actually do without causing immediate grief to my family or burdening others with my martyr complex when I whined about ALL that I had to do.
Why do I find it hard to say no to anyone? I want to be liked, accepted, seen as valuable to those around me, which means I often jump into something without a lot of forethought. I don’t consult my calendar or what I’ve already agreed to do for whomever. Saying yes is easier than saying no and having to qualify why I can’t do something that seems like a reasonable request.
When I overcommit, those closest to me are the ones that suffer the most. When I can’t help the grands by taking them to practice or a dance lesson when their parents are busy. When I can’t sit with a friend over coffee because I’ve scheduled every minute of every day with stuff. (Not really every minute, but it feels that way.)
The worst is the whining. John gets most of that. Crabbing about what I have to do and how tired I am. His look is always so kind–and yet so pointed when he says, “You did schedule all that? Intentionally?”
I’m neither all-powerful nor all-knowing. Just loaded with great intentions.
God, however, is all powerful, knowing and present. Which is great, because when I fall into a Messiah complex–thinking if I don’t do something, who will–He’s the One able to do what needs to be done. In the way that encourages, uplifts and grows people the way each individual needs.
As I step back from the “have to’s”, I own my limitations. My own lack of understanding of the big picture. Allowing Him to be the only One who can truly save anyone from the mess we all make of life.
The Messiah thing? That role has been wonderfully filled by Jesus.
No others need apply.
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