I truly love people. An extrovert by nature, my happy place is being with folks I care about.
This disclaimer needed to be made because right now I’m yearning for alone time. Quiet.
Not a typical attitude for me. As a matter of fact, I often get uncomfortable and antsy when I’m alone too long.
This isn’t one of those “The grass is greener on the other side” issues. Where what anyone else has looks better than what I have.
It’s the plethora of people and planning over the last several weeks for a wedding that is now history. A wedding that exceeded my hopes for my daughter. But a period of time that flowed freely with friends and family.
I loved every minute of it.
My exhaustion has taken me by surprise. We’ve had quite a few late nights for family talk, sharing memories, laughter, and interactions that are humorous because people remember differently. Cherished times we share as being part of each other’s lives. Plus there have been those special opportunities interact with friends I’ve not seen for a long time
Quality time with people costs. Being other-focused, deliberately caring, intentionally listening all require an emotional output that can take a toll.
Loving others costs.
I’m feeling that now in mental exhaustion that is affecting my energy. Not one to crave alone time, my less than animated attitude has some asking how I’m feeling.
I’m fine. Truly grateful for all the people and activities that have populated my life of late.
There is, however, a weariness that lingers. The kind where too much coffee which seems like a good idea at the moment actually makes me feel rotten several moments later. And no more alert.
It’s not caffeine I’m craving.
It’s time to be still. To make space in my life to appreciate what has happened and to focus on the matters before me now.
I’m not an internal processor. I fare better when I’m voicing my ideas to others–my talking clarifies my thinking.
It’s not merely thinking time I need.
I need space for my soul to rest. A time to embrace what has been so I may learn from and appreciate what I’ve experienced. The opportunity to consider what comes next with what I’ve learned.
In our very loud and animated world, contemplative time is counterintuitive. Time to consider the person I’m becoming, why I’m here, what my purpose is in life, how I’m impacting those around me–those don’t provide instant payoffs.
Jesus loves all people. His time spent here was typically surrounded by a crowd. He cared for them, healed them, loved them.
He needed alone time as well. To be still and listen to His Father’s voice, to be in His presence. It was the alone times that gave him the energy to continue ministering to needy people. Time of interaction with His Father that moved Him to take the punishment for the sins of the world.
If Jesus, God in the flesh, took time to be alone to pray and think, who am I to think I don’t?