I do love a good party.

Denver, Colorado. Isley turned seven. A birthday party with donuts instead of cake. Big-as-your-face donuts. Waffles and fried chicken. Celebration food.

Daughter Courtney and her husband, Michael, were the hosts and chefs. Their tiny house was party central for this extravaganza. Spectacular food. Stellar company. The entertainment centered around their two dogs–old man Foster, an Australian shepherd, and young pup Wally, a soon to be massive sheepadoodle.

Food, fun, frolicking in the back yard with the dogs. Could it get any better?

Yeah. I should have been there.

John, Heather, Jeremy and the kids flew out to Colorado to prepare for our summer training for Cru.

I’ve got a week left before I join them.

It’s not like I’ll be sitting  here, twiddling my thumbs. I’ve got a lot of work to finish up in a week. All of it necessary.

But I’m missing out on the fun they’re having in Colorado. I want to be there with them. Now.

And I want to be here to do what I need to do.

I can’t have it all.

I suffer from serious FOMO issues–fear of missing out. I’m a joiner in every sense of the word, so a family party somewhere sans me doesn’t sound like a good time.

It didn’t lessen the joy for any others at the party. I’d have loved a little moment of silence for me, reflecting on my absence. A smidge of sadness from each of them would have been wonderful.

Didn’t happen.

This has been my MO for as long as I can remember. I may not be able to come to something fun, but I want to be asked. Included. It reminds me that I’m known and valued.

It’s why social media is significant to people. It’s a platform of shared experiences. It makes people feel they’re part of something even if they’re not involved. Inclusion by default.

We all need to feel included. Wanted. Part of something beyond ourselves. No matter how introverted a person is, no one is made to be a hermit.

Belonging is built into our DNA by God. We need Him because we’ve been made in His image. Having and investing in a relationship with Him gives us the chance to become what He knows we can be. Whole and complete. Part of His eternal family. A significant piece of a bigger picture.

Not being part of something I want to be included in makes me question my value to others. Am I not a good enough friend? Did I hurt someone’s feelings? Did they just forget about me? I begin to hear the lie whispered, “You’ll never be enough.”

My value doesn’t come from being included by others. People forget. Misunderstandings happen. Folks don’t always get along. If I were to equate my worth with what other’s think, I’d be a nervous wreck one moment and smiling the next.

People and circumstances don’t define me.

The only One who truly knows my worth–and appreciates it–is God.

I won’t feel like I’m missing out if I’m loved and valued by God.

I’m part of His party.

 

 

4 responses »

  1. I totally relate to this post, Dayle. So much want to be included and invited. I’ve missed weddings of people I thought were friends, baby showers for women I enjoy, get togethers with friends who partied without me. Each brought feelings of sadness and thoughts of “did they not want me around?” Thanks be to God that He ALWAYS wants my company.

    • daylerogers says:

      You nailed it, Steph–Do they want me around? Makes me realize how subtle and insidious the enemy is to call into question what we so badly need–connection and feeling valued. Thanks for your encouragement, my friend.

  2. intheharvest says:

    Oh, Dayle…I have been wrestling with this SO much lately!! Thank you for the timely reminder and encouragement. What a gift you are.

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