Love Is A Many “Spended” Thing


photo by Mayur Gala
photo by Mayur Gala

I’m not a huge proponent of Valentine’s Day.

And I’ve got a husband I dearly love.

The history of Valentine’s Day is murky. There were several saints named Valentine, all martyred for their faith. There was a pagan holiday, Lupercalia, that was held on February 15 to honor the god of agriculture and fertility. In an effort to Christianize it, the focus became one of love and romance.

All fun facts to know and trade for the day.

The holiday has morphed into a retailer’s dream of selling jewelry, candy, flowers and cards. The depth of love equals the price of the gift.

We’re all consumers at heart.

I remember when my girls were younger, there was spirit of disgust in the hearts of those who had no boyfriends. The “I Hate Valentine’s Day” group became more outspoken as more kids brought flowers and balloons to school to send to their “beloved’s” in class.

If you left the day with nothing to show for someone else’s affection, you were seen a bit as a loser.

The comedy played out in that microcosm is the reality of life itself. Days after this romantic holiday, break-ups happened. Love was lost. Romance withered and died.

People moved on to the next great relationship.

I’m not a holiday hater. I’m quite romantic.

At least, I like to think I am.

When we were dating, and in the early days of our marriage, John faithfully brought me flowers to celebrate our love. Beautiful yellow roses.

I loved them.

But, as is the experience of all cut flowers, they died.

Roses go quicker than most. By day four, they were looking wilty and wanting. More water didn’t do it.

They were done.

John switched to carnations and daisies. They lasted a little longer.

Alas, they too died.

I didn’t want the symbol of our love to be a pathetic dead flower.

So I told him no more flowers. I don’t need candy–I might as well apply that externally. It’ll all go to the same place.

Jewelry doesn’t do it for me. I lose earrings, break necklaces.

So we don’t “do” Valentine’s gifts. Not that we don’t celebrate. We do.

I want to be able to celebrate real love every day. The kind that doesn’t wait for a holiday. The kind that can weather the forgotten gift or the small rift or the unpleasant words spoken in haste. The kind that doesn’t base its value on what is done for the one loved but on the whole of the person loved. Good and bad.

The way God loves us. Without condition. Sacrificially.

Love costs in a different way. In the ability to forgive. In spite of wrongs committed. To give of yourself even if you don’t feel you’ve gotten anything in return.

Jesus did that for us.

I can’t love John that way apart from Jesus in my life. I put too much stock in what I’m getting out of it.

I’ll enjoy my non-traditional celebration.

And look forward to the unexpected gifts of kindness. Or flowers.

photo by Mike Kenneally
photo by Mike Kenneally


9 responses to “Love Is A Many “Spended” Thing”

  1. Dayle, I’m with you and John; I want to celebrate LOVE every day! Good and bad! I can’t LOVE Curt apart from JESUS in our lives!!! Love and Blessing to you both!


    1. You and me both, Lo. Being loved so well by men of God and by God Himself is a gift I never tire of. Love you!


  2. Well, Dayle, I’m a hopeless romantic who loves gifts…even if they die or break…and I love giving them! I guess one of my love languages is “gifts”. We’re all different and as long as our love for the giver of those gifts OR the one who chooses NOT to give tangible gifts, is not based on the item given or not given, BUTon the heart that motivated him/her. I agree that Jesus’ kind of love is what matters most!! Love ya’!!


    1. I know you and I are different in a few ways–but alike in so many others. And loving the Giver of all good gifts is a trait we share. Love you, friend.


  3. Ditto for me! Roger has been sick (cold) and I’m fighting it, so I guess we’re sharing a little too much these days! Neither felt good so we did (quasy) fast food on the way home from the hospital (Jason). And you know what — it was delightful! I love that man every day, and he’s the best gift God ever gave me! I went home and straight to bed. I’m glad we love each other no matter how sick we are!


    1. I hope you’re both feeling well soon–but know that loving someone who loves you so well is a wonderful gift in so many ways. And knowing God loves us even better is a gift beyond comprehension!


  4. Sheila Scorziello Avatar
    Sheila Scorziello

    We don’t do Valentine’s Day either. But, with or without gifts, true love never dies!


    1. You’ve gotta love real love. It never fails. Sounds like we really have a lot in common, my friend.


      1. Sheila Scorziello Avatar
        Sheila Scorziello

        It sure does, Dayle! Too bad we can’t get together for coffee!!


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