Confessions Of A Snarky Squabbler




I wasn’t ready for her to visit. I didn’t want her to visit. She came anyway. Unannounced. Unwanted. Unyielding in her presence.

Snarky Dayle entered the building.

There are days when I find that my worst nightmare is happening. And it turns out to be me. Those are the days I’d love to have a vacation from myself. Just to get away. For a breather. To not have me to contend with every minute of every day.

I always show up. Not always in the way I want to be present.

Let me explain.

My two sisters are in town for a visit. A wonderful opportunity for sister bonding, family jokes, “remember when’s” and laughing together at the silly simple things that have been part of our DNA forever.

These gals know me. They know my blind spots, and they call me on them. They know the background of why I respond to some things the way I do. They get my junk.

And I get theirs.

In the midst of the sister time, my dear husband and I experienced a misunderstanding.

Not a knock-down, drag-out kind of disagreement.

A true, come-to-Jesus-and-repent-of-your-ways type of disagreement.

And I figured it wasn’t me needing to do the repenting.

I was angry with John for reasons that are really incidental. They weren’t life-challenging, lifestyle-altering, relationship-ending types of issues.

I hadn’t felt heard.

So Snarky Dayle engaged in the conversation.

I’ve made sarcasm a fine art form. As a kid, it was my way of holding my own when I didn’t feel I fit in. Or just felt left out. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve refined it, polished it, made sarcasm a tool in my belt of word usage.

My sisters were the first to get an earful.

Snarky Dayle ragged on John. I did nothing to stop her.

Snarky Dayle called him inappropriate names. I never once called her on it.

My sisters, however, aware of our current circumstances and of me in particular, were gracious to listen to my tirade.

And then they spoke truth into SD.

I watched her shrink from the reality of what she’d been doing.

I didn’t want to own any of it.

Their kindness and gentleness with me, affirmed by their love, did more to help me step back from my SD role than anything else. They didn’t just speak truth–they lived it.

“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”   Ephesians 4:32

Jesus wants us to be forgiving because we’ve been forgiven for EVERYTHING we’ve ever done that doesn’t measure up to His standard of perfection.

Even my snarkiness.

I’d gotten angry, but anger wasn’t the problem. It was what I did with it. I’d camped on that anger. Wallowed in the misery it left inside me. Simmered in my own lack of forgiveness.

As long as I did that, there wasn’t room for reconciliation.

Jesus urges me to forgive. Because there’s nothing so bad that I’ve done that He hasn’t forgiven.

It helped hearing it from my sisters.

One more reason why I keep them around.






7 responses to “Confessions Of A Snarky Squabbler”

  1. Your insight, and willingness to be honest about your struggles (even with Snarky Dayle) bless and encourage me. God uses you to help me see how to be more like Him, not because you have it all together, but because you don’t. You model what it looks like to “keep swimming” in ways I need to see. Thank you.


    1. Well, the snarky is a reality that has taken me years to identify. She’s always been there-growing up with me, showing up at really awkward times (think parents) and making inappropriate comments on just about everything. I want to be Dorie–just keep swimming!


  2. Aaagh, August the 13, Dayle and I’m answering. Be thankful you’re not an only child like me and have sisters who are ready/willing to guide you in the middle of your junk. Thank You for being honest/open with us and having a forgiving attitude toward John or whoever –
    [also grateful for your verse in Eph. 4]. Blessings to you both [and to sisters!]


    1. Junk happens, doesn’t it? All the time. And family–both by blood and by faith–are usually the only ones who are honest enough to be able to see and say truth persistently enough to make a difference. Thanks, Lo, for your continued encouragement.


  3. Your mixture of truth and grace, vulnerability and pursuit of Him always hits the nail on the head…and how I love that. I had an SP follow and then inhabit my body the other day. Oh for an out-of-body experience when she appears! Fortunately, I was able to be reminded that Jesus dwells in me and I can choose to let Him live His life in and through me. Funny how I forget that after so many years of His presence in my life. Thanks for the good reminders. What would we do without our sistas….physical and spiritual?


    1. S lives, like it or not. When she shows up, I typically allow her to stay because my little black heart prefers her to being kind. But you’re right. We can choose. I tell you, Pen, I wish it were easier to make the right choices more often. Love you.


  4. Snarky Maggie was with you, until I called her on it! Love it!


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