You’d think if I knew there was a good to excellent chance of eating my words, I’d choose them with a little more care. With thought to what they might taste like coming back at me.

There’s always that chance that things I’ve said will be used as a reminder that my walk doesn’t always match my talk.

Lately it’s felt as if that’s happening a lot.

Like this past week.  When daughter Debbie ended up in the ER.

My kids have been involved with soccer for huge portions of their lives. Even now, with all of them out of school, they take the opportunity to play pick-up games or indoor soccer. Wednesday night, Debbie and Jeremy, my son-in-law, played a tough indoor team.unnamed-1

Playtime ended when Deb stuck her right leg out to block a hard line drive of a kick.

The force bent her ankle in and knocked her off her feet. She landed funny.

And her ankle swelled like a balloon.

I was babysitting my grandkids. Got a text from Heather. They were on their way to the ER. The folks at indoor soccer believed she’d broken her ankle.

I didn’t handle it well.

I talk a lot about trust and rest. That God is with us always. That He is involved with all that happens. His peace passes understanding.

I do believe that. With all  my heart.

unnamedYou’d have been hard pressed to see such trust in me that night. Waiting at the house. Not hearing if anything was happening at the ER. Knowing it could easily be hours before she was even seen.

I was a mom in major worry mode. All those years of practice came to bear on the efficiency with which I worried. The bullet points of concern flowed:

*She’s supposed to leave for a year-long mission trip to Puerto Rico in less than a week. How will that happen with her needing crutches to get anywhere?

*Was it broken? Torn ligaments? A bad sprain?

*She’s standing up in her sister’s wedding in a month. Will she walk down the aisle? Hop? Crutch?

None of these are life or death issues. But it bothered me that panic is where my head and heart went. First.

I know better.

Somewhere along the way, I’ve begun to believe I should be getting better at doing the trust thing. That my demeanor should be calm and peaceful all the time because I know Jesus.

That’s just not true.

It’s times like these that remind me of how weak I am. How unable I am to trust well. To believe without wavering the truths of the Bible.

Those truths are infallible. I am not.

Jesus understands that weakness in me. And doesn’t condemn me. Instead, He offers His strength.

“‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”   2 Corinthians 12:9

I will continue to fall to panic and fear. I know I’m weak.

But Jesus is strong in spite of my weakness. He’s my strength in all things. At all times.

That’s a truth that won’t be broken.

Or sprained.

 

 

 

 

 

 

All that went out the window.

 

 

 

 

14 responses »

  1. debbyshehane says:

    So sorry to hear about Debbie’s ankle.

  2. youvehearditsaid says:

    Been there, done that… Somebody said to me once, the worst pain you can ever feel is your children´s…
    Don´t be hard on yourself about it. Even things like that can give us a real insight into how much God feels when he sees the suffering all around the world.

    • daylerogers says:

      You are so kind and so right. And your right–it doesn’t matter how old they are. We share their pain. Which should remind me of how gladly and fully God shares mine. Thanks for the encouragement.

  3. terry morgan says:

    Once a mom, always a mom. One of the best opportunities to test our faith muscle… over and over and over again. (I keep thinking that if I had just learned that lesson when they were little, I wouldn’t still have to go through the tests today… oh well!) I’m grateful to be in good company! Hugs to you… and Debbie!

    • daylerogers says:

      It’s the challenge of never really letting go. We do–but they will always be a part of our lives. It does affect my faith muscle. I just want it to be strong now. Always. Without wavering. Thanks, sweet friend.

  4. youvehearditsaid says:

    And it doesn´t just end with your children. This past year, my granddaugher had to undergo major surgery and months in a plaster. I would have gladly gone through it for her… But again, God Shows you through feelings how much he cares. Where else do we get feelings from, except from him?…It´s right to feel. As I said, don´t be hard on yourself. I love that verse that simply says, Jesus wept.

    Love your honesty in your blogging.

    • daylerogers says:

      You are a true encourager, my friend. I’m grateful that He’s shown me through my love for my kids how much He loves me. And yet it really is easier being hard on myself. I appreciate your heart.

  5. Grace4mE says:

    I don’t handle a lot and trust well either, Dayle. For whatever it’s worth – it’s about Hubby dying before me. I know I’m weak and Jesus DOES understand my weakness. Thank You for reminding me of HIS TRUTH in II Cor. 12:9 and that HE IS MY STRENGTH ALL the TIME!!!

  6. Grace4mE says:

    PS Please assure Debbie that we are Praying for ALL her activities this year!

  7. alice fredricks says:

    Thanks, Dayle, for your honesty! I can see myself in so much of what you write! I’ve been listening to some talks on spiritual formation recently and one major point he keeps emphasizing is that we should actually rejoice when we realize how weak we are because it just reminds us how much we need Jesus…and that’s not bad! God sent me such an experience this week and it was good to remember that!! Love you friend!!

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