I”m not particularly fond of being alone.

Being a twin predisposed me to having a companion much of my first couple of decades. A fact for which I was grateful. Even then I recognized I was better with people than by myself.

I’ve shared a room with someone most of my life. My last year of college I actually had a room alone, but it was in a house with seven other gals, so being alone was never a reality.

Then marriage. Six children. The accompanying clamor, chaos and charm.

You get the picture. My game of choice was never solitaire.photo-1

So it was quite unusual to find myself alone for much of this week. My husband was traveling with work. We’re temporarily empty-nesters. (No one needs a place to stay for the moment.) I came home at night to a dark, very quiet house.

The first night I stood at the door. Not wanting to go in.

I will be the first to say I live with the “grass is greener” syndrome. Where my present reality never looks as good as what others have. This summer we had a full house with a wonderful open door policy. We returned home to friends staying with us and an already full schedule.

And I will confess I groused a tad bit about the busyness and the people. Something like, “I’d give anything for some time alone!”

Got it.

Don’t want it.

Call me fickle.

When I finally went into the house, I proceeded to turn every light on as well as the TV. No sense in having anyone think I was there alone. I wandered around the house, talking out loud to myself, recounting my own “to do” list so I’d remember it.

I never go over my “to do” list.

aloneEating was another challenge. Mostly because I didn’t want to sit down at the table alone. It made me too aware of my aloneness.

So I did what I did growing up. Sat in front of the TV and ate. Flipping channels. Not caring what I watched but wanting it to be happy. (Did someone mention kid shows?)

Because I realized what my problem was.

I hate being alone because I’m afraid. Of the dark. Of someone breaking in. Of my own bizarre imagination. Of something happening that I won’t be able to handle. Of my own company not being enough.

A true yellow-bellied chicken.

This isn’t just a “being alone” issue. I recognize I experience it even when I’m with people. With a crowd of people. Being an extrovert, I can manage my messy fears by engaging with people. Being alone made it harder to manage.

Jesus understood this about us. Fear is an issue we all deal with because we don’t have control over our lives. Those who think they do are delusional.

But Jesus gave us this hope.

“I am leaving you with a gift–peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift THE WORLD CANNOT GIVE. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27

Peace is His gift to me. I can’t manufacture it or find it in a book, movie,  TV show or people. I don’t have to be afraid because He’s with me. If I focus on the truth of that, the darkness and my lack of control can’t overwhelm me.

Jesus gets that I walk around the house with my fears tagging along.

Talking to Him  is the strength I need to let them go.

Second picture courtesy of jewishworldview.com.

9 responses »

  1. terry morgan says:

    Loved this, Dayle. I am an extrovert… and a chicken. So I don’t like being alone/living http://www.everystudent.info/menus/widget4.htmlalone/working alone either. What a great reminder that I am never truly alone. i feel better already! 🙂

    • terry morgan says:

      Not sure what happened with my comment! That was supposed to be… “I don’t like being alone/living alone/working alone either.” Sorry about the unexpected link right in the middle of my thought!

  2. Thanks for the peek into your life. I would have never imagined! I loved the line, “Jesus gets that I walk around the house with my fears tagging along.” As an introvert, being around people means walking in “the my fears tagging along.” I’m so glad we have Jesus!

  3. Grace4mE says:

    We are very happy for you, also, Dayle and [John as well] and Thank you for reminding us that God loves us so much, that He will NEVER quit loving and getting down with us sinful old folks and giving us REAL life when He raised Christ from the dead! As well as HIS peace of mind and heart – because the busy world can’t! Keep on talking to HIM [I keep reminding myself too!] I agree with Maggie – I’m so glad we have Jesus, also!

  4. Absolutely beautiful Dayle— I knew you years ago, haven’t talked in years– from those old glory days at EFree in DeForest!!!! We lost touch– beautiful writing– hard to believe you are empty-nesters.

    • daylerogers says:

      I do remember you! You came and visited us here in Florida when we lived over by the airport! How are you doing? And thanks so much for your encouragement–you have no idea how much that means to me!

  5. Oh my I feel like I could have written something almost identical. Especially just reporting to my assignment (yay!). Very exciting and adventurous but pretty lonely. I am learning how many ways God has provided for me (mainly relationships). He’s showing me that He will do that again if I will only let Him and stop trying to run my own life thankyouverymuch.

    • daylerogers says:

      I’m thrilled that you’ve been able to report–the beginning of the light at the end of the tunnel! The beginning of things always feels like it can’t be done–until you remember you’ve begun before. God bless in your new assignment, my friend.

  6. […] Will Anybody Come out and Play with Me? ~ Tip of the Iceberg  (Dayle Rogers) […]

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