Tip of My Iceberg

Endings are a mixed blessing. There’s the joy of seeing something finished in a positive and intentional manner where growth is observed and change has happened.

The sour side is knowing that many of those you’ve worked with are moving away, ready to begin a new season of life, often in a new place. Relationships forged in trying times, where individuals are challenged to confront their stories and get a grip on how what has happened in our lives has influenced our decisions, focus, and anticipation.

We had an end-of-year retreat that took a surprise turn, In years past, we’ve had a few of our group create “awards” for each of the participants, reminding them–with a little humor–how we saw each of them as significant. This year the participants surprised us and gave us, the coaches, awards for who we are and how we showed up.

I got the “Constant” award, acknowledging the love and compassion I consistently offer those I work with. My husband John received the “Balancing Dichotomous” award for his ability to hold in tension the needs of the organization and yet valuing the needs of the individuals in our company.

I was flabbergasted. I’m not adept at being the focus of attention, and handling effusive compliments isn’t easy for me. But there was something so gracious and kind in the gesture of all the work these dear people went through that I was genuinely overwhelmed with gratitude.

We are not an affirming culture in America. It’s so much easier to disagree with someone or judge what they’ve done or who they are instead of looking for the good in what a person does. It’s easy to fall into the fate of the good/bad split, where we consider something is either all good or all wrong.

Life doesn’t happen that way. There’s good and bad in most people and in many circumstances. Being able to see both is the sign of maturity.

What is truly important is how much we each long for affirmation for who we are and the choices we make in life. I’ve sat with people who have been judged for their character rather than a mistake they made. It’s devastating to sense that we don’t have value as people rather than owning a bad choice. We need encouragement from others to remind us that our lives have meaning and worth.

The apostle Paul, having learned from those who had walked with Jesus, understood the value of the community of encouragement. “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11. The need for our hearts to be rallied and motivated by others is part of our humanity. We become hurt in community; we heal best in community. Part of our healing process is encouraging one another with what’s real and wonderful about who we are.

This is reiterated in Hebrews 10:24-25: “Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of His return is drawing near.” We each need the activation of positive words from others to prompt us to acts of love and kindness.

I experienced such a sense of joy when these dear friends voiced their viewed significance of our whole team. The words flowed over us like a cool breeze, not only inspiring us but helping us see value in how we’d contributed to them through the year.

Isn’t there someone in your life who needs your words of affirmation?