Tip of My Iceberg

My twin sister has been through a lot this past year. She was the caregiver for her beloved husband until he lost his battle with cancer in July. My heart aches for her; their marriage was one of great companionship, joy, and genuine love. His loss has been hard on her. On all of us who knew him.

I knew she’d have some support because our little sister lives near her in Tucson. Gayle and Janet have always been close, and when Janet moved within twenty minutes of her several years ago, it cemented their relationship even more.

What I hadn’t expected was the plethora of people who have become her larger support group. Women she has Zumba classes with at the Y, people in her Bible study, and friends at church who have been present with her in times of challenge.

The one group that fascinates me is her Rise and Sign group. This is a group of women who have come together to learn songs, singing and signing them in American Sign Language, for the purpose of sharing their music with groups around the city, many of whom couldn’t get out to a performance because of personal limitations.

They performed a lot over the Christmas season, and many expressed such gratitude for this unique gift they gave. Now they’ve been performing songs better suited to Valentine’s Day, and again the remarks are gratifying.

It would have been so easy for Gayle to isolate herself in her grief. Loss does that to many of us; grieving is a challenge. Culturally, we don’t do it well in America.

I’ve been so proud of her for how she’s chosen to focus on blessing others rather than allowing her grief to limit her. She grieves still–that won’t end, though it may soften. But it helps to focus on helping others to prevent spiraling downward on the slippery slope of despair.

It’s not hard to see people in need around us every day. We’re all hurting in some way, but too often pride gets in our way and keeps us from asking for the help we need. Our culture uplifts independence to a point where we feel uncomfortable if we admit we have needs.

The Bible describes how much we need each other.

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble….A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10, 12

Gayle’s Rise and Sign group doesn’t make pain go away, but they do provide a chance to focus on hope for a season. Even a brief one. Being there for other people makes us stronger because we’re giving of ourselves in a selfless way.

It’s how Jesus lived, giving of Himself to others, enduring the pain and humiliation of the cross, not paying attention to the shame attached to it, so He could offer us a salvation that the world can’t destroy or belittle.

I’m proud of my big sister (she’s three minutes older than me). Her heart of resilience and compassion spurs me on to consider how I can help others, how I can be present to come alongside others who could use what I may have to offer.

Maybe even something as simple as a hug.